I haven’t felt like blogging much this past week. Andy is still looking for a job as am I and if one doesn’t come for either of us this month, we’ll be packing up and moving back in with my mom. I have a serious problem with the fact that he spends eight hours a day sending out resume after resume and gets a call for an interview once every two weeks. Two weeks later, they might send him an email or call to say they hired someone else. He has four years of experience in a law office and no one in the state of Texas will hire him as an attorney, paralegal, legal assistant, or secretary. Yes, he’s trying all of the above. I need to feed my children. I feel like I sacrified a hell of a chunk of my life over the past six years in supporting him to reach his goals and to see his self-esteem drop bit by bit every day is killing me. He has supported me in everything that I’ve wanted for myself and to see him work so hard to get an opportunity to prove himself just to get stomped on is wrong.

I’m not giving up. I know that something will come along because I refuse to give up but I would love for a break about now. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of praying for strength to get through this. I’m tired of my heart breaking every time the phone rings and he looks at me expectantly hoping that this one call will be for him.

Now that you’ve had a window into the frustrations that are eating me alive, I’ll show you what I’ve been working on to keep my sanity.

I completely thought I had finished the body of my bag during the Super Bowl!!! My mom had no means of measurement (shameful for a fellow crocheter) so I had to wait until I came home to measure and I’m 13″ off! I’ve been exhausted after work this week so haven’t worked on my ever growing monster of blue, but here is my progress so far:

There are times that you are at your lowest and something happens. I’m sitting here listening to iTunes on random when probably the one song in my library that would give me back some of that strength which I thought I had lost came on. Here are a snippet of the lyrics which will help me sleep a bit more peaceful tonight:

I wandered out into the water,
An’ I thought that I might drown.
I don’t know what I was after,
Just know I was goin’ down.

And that’s when she found me.
Not afraid anymore.
She said: “You know, I always had you, baby.
“Just waitin’ for you to find what you were lookin’ for.”

-Wave on Wave by Pat Green


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